Sitting next to my mama’s urn

In my chair
Deep in prayer
Sitting next to my mama’s urn
Her ashes
She burnt
Ashes don’t talk
Ashes don’t text
Ashes don’t call
Ashes don’t advise
Ashes don’t send mail, care packages or cards
Her ashes hopefully listen
As my tears glisten
Down my face
I was such a disgrace
Defiant, bull headed, crass, she say red I say green, kind of a kid
My life was always so damn shitty
What you mean I have to clean my room
There’s never any good food here
I’m not going to church, I don’t believe
Mama I can’t wait to leave
Mama was a widow
Spent every last penny on us
All we did was fuss and cuss
Mama was the strongest person I knew
Mama molded me the best she could
I’m crying
My insides dyin’
Memories of mom
Taken for granted
So many emotions in me
No emoji could express
I wanna hug my mama one last time
She afforded me every opportunity
To be a successful better me
I blew everyone of them you see
All that time she invested
She was fully vested
I blew every opportunity she gave
I was a slave
To be bad, a rebel without a dad
After all the things I survived
Now mama’s gone
She had it hard in life
Waiting for me to settle down
And do what’s right
“Son you need purpose in life
Don’t live a wasted (WASTED) life
Son that drug
Won’t give you a hug
That temporary high
You still going to cry”
Her words echoed
Eerily words replay in my brain
Depression is my disease
Nothing puts my mind at ease
She’s so exhausted from working
But her only concern was the love for us, her children
My mama was something special
My beard all wet
Her urn
Makes my heart burn
Hey mama!!!
I’m still lost.
I wish you’d see me marry and carry your grandkids off to play
And all of us pray
Before our family throw down (family dinner)
Mama my best friend
Her end time 13:13
The time her soul was unseen
Hear my screams mama please
My only saving grace in my life was my mama
I love you more mama today than I did yesterday
I hear her voice in my head
Even though she’s dead
Flashbacks of childhood
Scrolling through the rolodex of good
What I’d give to hear her special voice on the telephone
Now she’s gone
And I’m all alone
Staring at my phone
Wishing she would call
She waited all her life for us kids
It wasn’t all perfect but to her it was all well worth it
Family, to mama that was the world
She heard our heartbeats
Gave us life
We was her whole world
“Son”, I hear her whisper in my ear, “you made it easy being your mom”
The pain
Is a drain
As my eyes get wetter
I know that life WILL get BETTER
Damn mama I miss you!
Your son’s heart so blue