In my chair Deep in prayer Sitting next to my mama’s urn Her ashes She burnt Ashes don’t talk Ashes don’t text Ashes don’t call Ashes don’t advise Ashes don’t send mail, care packages or cards Her ashes hopefully listen As my tears glisten Down my face I was such a disgrace Defiant, bull headed, crass, she say red I say green, kind of a kid My life was always so damn shitty What you mean I have to clean my room There’s never any good food here I’m not going to church, I don’t believe Mama I can’t wait to leave Mama was a widow Spent every last penny on us All we did was fuss and cuss Mama was the strongest person I knew Mama molded me the best she could I’m crying My insides dyin’ Memories of mom Taken for granted So many emotions in me No emoji could express I wanna hug my mama one last time She afforded me every opportunity To be a successful better me I blew everyone of them you see All that time she invested She was fully vested I blew every opportunity she gave I was a slave To be bad, a rebel without a dad After all the things I survived Now mama’s gone She had it hard in life Waiting for me to settle down And do what’s right “Son you need purpose in life Don’t live a wasted (WASTED) life Son that drug Won’t give you a hug That temporary high You still going to cry” Her words echoed Eerily words replay in my brain Depression is my disease Nothing puts my mind at ease She’s so exhausted from working But her only concern was the love for us, her children My mama was something special My beard all wet Her urn Makes my heart burn Hey mama!!! I’m still lost. I wish you’d see me marry and carry your grandkids off to play And all of us pray Before our family throw down (family dinner) Mama my best friend Her end time 13:13 The time her soul was unseen Hear my screams mama please My only saving grace in my life was my mama I love you more mama today than I did yesterday I hear her voice in my head Even though she’s dead Flashbacks of childhood Scrolling through the rolodex of good What I’d give to hear her special voice on the telephone Now she’s gone And I’m all alone Staring at my phone Wishing she would call She waited all her life for us kids It wasn’t all perfect but to her it was all well worth it Family, to mama that was the world She heard our heartbeats Gave us life We was her whole world “Son”, I hear her whisper in my ear, “you made it easy being your mom” The pain Is a drain As my eyes get wetter I know that life WILL get BETTER Damn mama I miss you! Your son’s heart so blue
Fast forward ten years into time… Married life with wife and kiddos
Daddy? Yes son Daddy why you crying? Son daddy’s just cutting these onions
(Secretly looking at mama’s urn and my heart still burn) One day son I’ll stop cutting onions
I took the liberty of summarizing my children’s emotions on the day that I might pass. This was probably the hardest write I have ever done son.
I am not trying to rewrite the Bible or take away or add to it period. But I feel a lot more moms out there need to hear this to. This has been laying on my mind for sometime now so I am just putting this out there for mama’s to read and inhale.
Mothers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
And, ye mothers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Momentary Lapse Of Sanity 