I’m sure our family looks pretty perfect from all outward appearances, but here is the real honest-to-God truth, No FAKEBOOK here…. This is deeply personal, but Reitter wants it shared in the event it could help someone else.
The six of us have all been deeply suffering for over two years.
Why, you ask??
Our beloved boy is an addict.
This does not happen to highly functional families, like ours, who live in upscale suburbs! Where the parents “parent,” are not their kids’ friends, and are deeply involved in all aspects of their children’s lives! Where the education is top-notch and we are zoned for some of the state’s very best schools!
Ooooh, but it does!!
This is Reitter getting on a plane embarking on a 45-day journey to a drug rehab facility out in Phoenix. He has been sober for two weeks after an attempt to take his life. We are finally able to catch our breath. We have lived through every parent’s ultimate nightmare.
This child has stolen from us, lied to us, hurt us in ways that have been absolutely soul-crushing. There has been risky behavior and incidents that are so stomach-churning, I can not bring myself to mention them out loud ever again. But, when you love someone as much as we love him, we are working through it one day at a time and 1,000% committed to his health and happiness.
Reitter has withdrawn from school temporarily and will most definitely not be returning to McIntosh. His only job right now is to stop using drugs. After in-patient care, he will continue to attend a phenomenal out-patient program daily that has been life-changing, in every sense. If it weren’t for this program, Reitter would be in jail or dead.
Reitter spent a lot of time getting high by himself, but an equal amount of time getting high with other smart, cute, well-adjusted girl and guy friends that you would never think in a million, gazillion years would EVER engage in this behavior with consistent regularity. It pains me, but some of these kids are your kids. And just like myself, you have had NO clue; or, if by chance you have caught on, perhaps have said things like, “Boys will be boys!“ and “I was young once.” Lord knows, I sure did!
Why does this happen to families like ours?????
I know a lot about drug use now, more than I ever wanted to know. I can share that ten times out of ten, low self esteem leads darling kids down a path of self-medicating.
You see, Reitter is an ADD kid and has struggled with academics since he entered kindergarten. As high school got increasingly challenging, to put it bluntly, he was unable to be successful, like many of his peers. He was left feeling completely worthless. A friend told me recently she had a discussion where a coach referred to anyone NOT in AP classes as a “loser.” In a culture such as this, I don’t know why I ever wondered why my child’s anxiety has been through the roof!?! For the record, Lyle and I both hold MBAs and neither one of us ever took a single AP course. Not a one. So, why are kids today being pushed to their breaking points?? What is everyone killing themselves for???
Prior to his dramatic decline, we had spent thousands with psychiatrists to try to unearth Reitter’s learning challenges, aptitude ability, etc. Name an ADD med, we’ve been on it. We’ve tried cognitive behavioral therapy, math tutors, reading specialists, support courses, regular 504 meetings to discuss a litany of accommodations…the list is endless!! BUT We never stopped to ask him, “How do you feel about yourself? Are you happy?” It wasn’t until he was rushed to the hospital for an overdose that we even got a glimpse of what we were dealing with. On the outside, here is a tall, handsome, popular kid with too many friends to count. A football letterman and an underclassmen varsity swim team member, as well. What we have in reality is a kid so miserable, so sad, so depressed, so desperate to be valued, that going to sleep forever didn’t seem like quite a bad idea. I have never been more heartbroken. Wanting to do anything in my power to fix it all, but left feeling completely helpless.
How did we get here? I have an idea. A problem that all parents face today is that vaping is rampant. I’m going to say that again. VAPING among teens is RAMPANT. You can be the captain of the football team, or the captain of the STEM club, you will vape at some point. Might as well get real familiar with dab pens, too….the complete bane of my existence. They are very inconspicuous and potent. They are cool, cheap, illegal in GA, and super easy to stuff into a sock or bra. It’s a natural step-up from vaping and if you don’t think your kid has vaped, wait for it, and I won’t offer an apology… you are a complete idiot!!! The vaping easily lends itself to marijuana usage…and our children are not smoking the old-school, Specoli stuff from the 80s. This is ‘weed on acid’. A drug hybrid, if you will. It’s 70 times more potent than it used to be. These oils in the dab pens are completely odorless and smokeless. It’s nearly impossible to detect or smell on your children’s breath. Trust me, my nickname at home is “BloodHound” and I never picked up the scent. Sure, you can buy testing kits on Amazon but kids throw mini hand sanitizers in their drawers to dilute their urine, or scoop toilet water into the cup so they pass. A teenager’s brain is not fully developed, but they can certainly get crafty when you intercept their daily habit. Speaking of a developing brain, this has terrifying long term affects that are non-reversible and life-altering. Just google it.
We also have schools that will flat-out tell you it’s a “home problem!” I call Bullshit. My home does not condone underage drinking or smoking. Quite frankly, I don’t know many that do. I can name numerous kids that have admitted to my face they have gotten high on campus every AM this school year just to get through their miserable day. Opioids are popped regularly in home room. By the grace of God, we are not dealing with this, but there are many kids in Reitter’s social circle that are. Deals go down throughout the day. Walk into a bathroom at any point during the school day and you can get high. I have friends’ kids who “hold it all day” just to avoid the restroom. It’s easier for everyone, mainly school administrators, to just act like this doesn’t happen, but this inaction fixes NOTHING. They will put a resource officer on campus, but this ineffective person just becomes everyone’s friend. Teenagers have enough friends. Faux drug dogs are brought in once in a blue-moon to keep up appearances. Big whoop! Heartbreakingly, there are no recovery groups or sober student groups as that would give credence to the problem. Our public schools are doing our kids a grave disservice by turning a blind eye. Every home football game or school dance our adorable children are flat-out wasted. I’m completely livid that I live in a wonderful school district, paying what many would consider high property taxes, but will be forced to send my boy to a private school where all kids have the opportunity to be academically successful and drug usage is simply NOT tolerated.
We will be ok. I’m super hopeful and confident. Lyle and I are all over this. As his parents, we are attending regular group therapy sessions with other AMAZING moms and dads. I don’t know what I’d do without these people. They are the salt-of-the-earth. Humble, kind, supportive, loving and already feel like life-long friends. On the flip side, we have had to reach out to people and had extremely uncomfortable convos to let them know Reitter is to be nowhere near their homes or children.EVER.EVER.EVER.again.. We are embarrassed things have gotten to this point, but we are finally dealing in complete reality. We will spend our very last dime to make sure our boy is happy and cherishes his life. Everything else will fall into place. We are well aware we are going to lose people that will no longer want to associate with our sordid situation. If this is you, no hard feelings, you were just never our people.
The reason we share this, besides the fact we are learning to have NO shame, we know with absolute certainty there are friends dealing with this behind closed doors. This is no way to live. It will tear your family to shreds. I’ve had 7-year-old children sobbing for their beloved brother. No 1st-grader should ever see this up close. Lyle and I have had knock-down drag-outs over who is to blame, who is too strict, who is too much of an enabler, etc. We have pointed fingers to the extent I was certain our marriage would never make it.
Reach out. This does not get better on its own, it goes downhill fast. Like lightening-speed fast. Don’t wait as long as we did to get highly specialized help. Don’t be that parent that says “not my kid!” If you know me even a little bit, do you EVER think we’d be here?? Please!! I’m stupefied daily that we are dealing with this. My life’s greatest regret was not acting immediately. Sure we eventually caught on…got him a drug counselor, took away the cell phone, locked up the golf cart and the liquor, certainly doled out the punishments…but this does not fix itself with a few weekends of being grounded. It wasn’t near enough. Reitter is also willing and happy to talk with anyone who is struggling when he returns. So am I. So is Lyle. AND Please ask us how he’s doing when you run into us at Publix or Target. I haven’t been away from him for more than a week in his entire life. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this…laying my head down at night knowing the boy I cherish, more than life itself, is across the country battling this disease. It was his idea I post this about his recovery, mainly, to help others know this “weekend habit” can spiral, but we also live in a very small town and he wanted to clear up the rumors about his “disappearance,” that have been borderline outrageous. However sweet, there is no need to start a “Save Ferris (Bueller)” Gofundme campaign in his honor. We do thank you, though for the belly laugh and felt loved!
I must make mention of my support system. When I broke down and started sharing this hell with our parents, siblings, closest friends….I saw God. We have so much love and gratitude for our most special people, I struggle to find the words. We are overwhelmed and grateful with the steadfast love in our lives. You can get through anything when you have an army of love behind you!!
On a final note, I never ask this, it’s just not my way, but I would be ever so appreciative if you could whisper Reitter’s name in your prayers from time-to-time as we weather this storm. I’m also including his address (attached) in case you would like to write him. This kid could use all the support he can get. We would be eternally grateful!!!! Reitter is in the fight for his life, and my life is completely meaningless without him in it.
FINALLY an Easter tradition that reminds my kids about JESUS! You get to follow this cute little shepherd and his donkey friend on a quest to find his lost sheep! Along the way, the shepherd shares the story of Jesus’ journey to the cross! The quest starts on April 1st though and they take about a week to ship. Each card has a devotion on one side and a scripture passage on the other! I love that my kids get EXCITED about seeking Jesus! You can find them here:
I’m a doctor and an Infectious Diseases Specialist. I’ve been at this for more than 20 years seeing sick patients on a daily basis. I have worked in inner city hospitals and in the poorest slums of Africa. HIV-AIDS, Hepatitis,TB, SARS, Measles, Shingles, Whooping cough, Diphtheria…there is little I haven’t been exposed to in my profession. And with notable exception of SARS, very little has left me feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed or downright scared.
I am not scared of Covid-19. I am concerned about the implications of a novel infectious agent that has spread the world over and continues to find new footholds in different soil. I am rightly concerned for the welfare of those who are elderly, in frail health or disenfranchised who stand to suffer mostly, and disproportionately, at the hands of this new scourge. But I am not scared of Covid-19.
What I am scared about is the loss of reason and wave of fear that has induced the masses of society into a spellbinding spiral of panic, stockpiling obscene quantities of anything that could fill a bomb shelter adequately in a post-apocalyptic world. I am scared of the N95 masks that are stolen from hospitals and urgent care clinics where they are actually needed for front line healthcare providers and instead are being donned in airports, malls, and coffee lounges, perpetuating even more fear and suspicion of others. I am scared that our hospitals will be overwhelmed with anyone who thinks they ” probably don’t have it but may as well get checked out no matter what because you just never know…” and those with heart failure, emphysema, pneumonia and strokes will pay the price for overfilled ER waiting rooms with only so many doctors and nurses to assess.
I am scared that travel restrictions will become so far reaching that weddings will be canceled, graduations missed and family reunions will not materialize. And well, even that big party called the Olympic Games…that could be kyboshed too. Can you even imagine?
I’m scared those same epidemic fears will limit trade, harm partnerships in multiple sectors, business and otherwise and ultimately culminate in a global recession.
But mostly, I’m scared about what message we are telling our kids when faced with a threat. Instead of reason, rationality, openmindedness and altruism, we are telling them to panic, be fearful, suspicious, reactionary and self-interested.
Covid-19 is nowhere near over. It will be coming to a city, a hospital, a friend, even a family member near you at some point. Expect it. Stop waiting to be surprised further. The fact is the virus itself will not likely do much harm when it arrives. But our own behaviors and “fight for yourself above all else” attitude could prove disastrous.
I implore you all. Temper fear with reason, panic with patience and uncertainty with education. We have an opportunity to learn a great deal about health hygiene and limiting the spread of innumerable transmissible diseases in our society. Let’s meet this challenge together in the best spirit of compassion for others, patience, and above all, an unfailing effort to seek truth, facts and knowledge as opposed to conjecture, speculation and catastrophizing.
Facts not fear. Clean hands. Open hearts. Our children will thank us for it.
Momentary Lapse Of Sanity 