Month: September 2020

Despite living on my own and having almost no physical contact for many weeks during the stay-at-home orders for my state, I found that I was doing remarkably well. I have no explanation for that other than I had already adjusted to a quiet, peaceful life. I still missed my routine and my people however.

Last week without warning, an utter dread came over me. It was like an ominous black cloud that wouldn’t lift despite sunny skies. In typical fashion for me, I had a chat with myself. ‘Self, what is your problem? You are not comfortable in your own skin.’ After prayer and meditation it didn’t take much to figure out what my issue was: dread of Mother’s Day.

I have made so many strides over the years since becoming unwittingly single and yet I had not reconciled myself to the events of that horrific Mother’s Day that…

Despite living on my own and having almost no physical contact for many weeks during the stay-at-home orders for my state, I found that I was doing remarkably well. I have no explanation for that other than I had already adjusted to a quiet, peaceful life. I still missed my routine and my people however.

Last week without warning, an utter dread came over me. It was like an ominous black cloud that wouldn’t lift despite sunny skies. In typical fashion for me, I had a chat with myself. ‘Self, what is your problem? You are not comfortable in your own skin.’ After prayer and meditation it didn’t take much to figure out what my issue was: dread of Mother’s Day.

I have made so many strides over the years since becoming unwittingly single and yet I had not reconciled myself to the events of that horrific Mother’s Day that…

A big reason why I have been doing so well has to do with how I have been able to organize my days & keep a very low-key schedule. I would understand anyone who looked at my life and said ‘Boring!” It has been a small price to pay when I consider its benefits for a quality life.

That’s why three doctor appointments, a car that was recently totaled in an accident, a case of plantar fasciitis, and being on my own for ten straight days has me completely exhausted.

The appointments were nominal in stress. See the dermatologist, get my injection of Xolair, and a check-up for my mother. The car accident? My son was rear-ended by a young woman who was on her cell phone and hit him going 85 m.p.h. I am utterly grateful he is alive and well. Plantar fasciitis? It hurts. Being on…

For twenty-six years I have celebrated today as one of my life’s greatest miracles. Infertility issues that were misdiagnosed and mistreated until a friend’s education on endometriosis led to a new doctor and an accurate diagnosis. It was widespread but I was hopeful surgery would bring the end goal of having another child.

Life rarely goes as planned and another year with more medication did not produce the pregnancy I longed for. My daughter had gone from asking for a sister to saying a brother would even be great. Out of the mouth of a 4-year old, right? I sat down one night to explain that sometimes when we pray God says yes. Sometimes the answer is not yet. Sometimes the answer is no and the doctor said we were at that point. I would find out soon that my miracle baby was forming in my womb as I spoke…

Alot of times, we fail to give ourselves a pat on the back. That changes beginning now. I have been singlehandedly carrying a lot of my relationships on my back. The least you could do is offer some form of appreciation. When you’re hungry, who do you run to? Me! You were naked, I clothed you. You were depressed, I made you laugh. I gave your life meaning! It’s about time you gave me my flowers while I can smell them.Humans are ungrateful. Nobody ever thanked me for having the patience not to kill them.

I love myself. I’m proud to say that. Perfection is not something I can achieve. I embrace my flaws and weaknesses and love my emotions. Even when I feel too much. I don’t regret making the decisions I’ve made and I definitely don’t regret loving who I’ve loved. I know I am a handful…

Everyone hates getting flashbacks from things they don’t want to remember. That’s why you need to delete memories. Complacency is the mother of all nightmares. All nightmares are real. Believe in everything until it’s disproved. So believe in fairies, myths, and dragons. It all exists, even if it’s in your mind. Who’s to say that dreams and nightmares aren’t as real as the here and now? Monsters don’t live under your bed, they live inside your head.

Only happy people have nightmares. From overeating. There are people with repetitive nightmares. What happens is you’re stressed. Then your brain tries to deal with the stress. As your brain tries to anticipate the stress and deal with it, the stress becomes so scary you’re awoken from it. That’s why you keep getting chased by a giant donut. And you wake up screaming “don’t eat me!” All this while your brain is…

We’re all waiting for something. All things will come to the person who waits, provided they know what they’re are waiting for. My advice, never keep anyone long and don’t wait too long. Waiters and quitters have just a slight difference but a common end. Waiting for the movie to start before eating your popcorn is the hardest thing ever. Especially when it’s coated in caramel. The hardest part about making dinner is waiting for the delivery man.

Waiting is still an occupation. It is having nothing to wait for that is terrible. Waiting and hoping are the whole of life, and as soon as a dream is realized it is destroyed. Waiting is a sin against both the time that is still to come. Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle. Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has…