Month: September 2015

.

With a sly grin
and an unblinking stare
he imparts a sudden hunger.
With a firm hand
upon my trembling knee
he conveys a secret desire.

I know the grin
and I know the stare,
I can feel the fear in my heart.
I know the touch
and burning desire,
but I will not be the quarry.

With a rogue grin
and a devil-may-care
tone, I express interest.
With a strong hand
upon his crotch, I squeeze
until he feels the fire.

I know the pain
is superficial,
but this is not an end-run.
I know the beast
and why he comes here,
but I’ll be his prey no longer.

.

Back when I was king
All obeyed my rule
And now like a fool
I govern nothing

Back when you were mine
I was happiest
Now seems I’m depressed
Almost all the time

Back when things made sense
I spoke gibberish
Nowadays I wish
A day sans nonsense

Presently the thing
That’s rigmarole
Is my confused soul
Without your loving

At the present time
I’m making a stance
No more song and dance
To make your heart mine

Very soon this fence
Will not hold my weight
And it will dictate
I use common sense

Know this Ragman roll
Is not meaningless
Well, that is unless
The string led to no scroll

.

Accismus lives within us,
— The quiet cousin of jealousy.
It slowly kills inside out,
— Always feigning objectivity.

Figure of refutation,
— In rhetoric, a figure of speech.
A fictitious refusal
— Of true desires, an inner breach.

Accismus tends to give us
— A feigned and insincere modesty.
Thought of as a virtue or a vice,
— And usually seen as irony.

Beware your reputation,
— Diligently practice what you preach.
Take care, for your character
— May be blotched and marred beyond your reach.

.

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

he said, wiping at my tears,

“Can we still be friends?”

His soft touch and soothing words

bruise my heart in this kiss off.

.

Cease your pat resistance

And open up your heart.

Parley with me in faith,

Insurgence is futile.

Terminate your pent hate,

Unmask yourself to me.

Love will flow betwixt us,

Accept it’s insistence.

To yield is not to cede,

End my shameless besiege.

So when travelling for an extended period or to more than 3 or 4 different cities and/or countries I caught myself opening with similar lines of dialogue and revealing my intentions with similar explanations in each interaction.

Whenever somebody asked me where I had been, how long I had travelled for, where I’d be heading next, where I’m from – I’d always have a response in the chamber to be sent down the barrel of my mouth.

It became so robotic that I started to listen to myself speaking about it mid-sentence and I became enwrapped in a maddening echo chamber where my spoken words and thoughts fought over each other.

I decided, without any particular motive but for the sake of different reaction, to vary my responses henceforth.

When people asked me why I had travelled I offered reasons ranging from; escaping England, getting away after a messy breakup…