A Cup of Percolated Thoughts by FT Ledrew 06/13/15 percolating thoughts of love brew in the mind’s carafe their boldness poured into a waiting cup before they lose flavour Photo credit
As a child of domestic violence my coping mechanism in life is smiling.
As a child who grew up with domestic violence, I had to go to school and work and carry on in life as if everything was always okay. Secretly inside my thoughts were always to how my mom is at home. Will she be alive when I come home. Will my dad kill my mom today. I have always lived with paranoia and worry. Worry. I worry so much to this day. I have come to the conclusion that I have PTSD. I always think people are fighting. At the playgrounds at school, I watch children playing and my mind sees them fighting. I always worry everywhere I go if people are fighting. It’s just my life something I don’t think I will ever be able to shake. Whenever things are bad in my adult life I smile, laugh and my outward appearance shows that life is grand! My nicknames smiley, giggles, mouse, etc… You always smile, you’re my favorite customer, you always bring me so much joy when you’re here, all my patients at the hospital even the grumpiest ones I made them happy and comfortable. I smile because it’s all I know how to do. My coping mechanism in my life is my smile. There is so much pain and sadness and worry and anxiety that goes along with that smile that people just don’t see. I was once told the house could be burning down and she would be like everything’s okay!
Momentary Lapse Of Sanity 