As a child of domestic violence my coping mechanism in life is smiling.

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As a child who grew up with domestic violence, I had to go to school and work and carry on in life as if everything was always okay.  Secretly inside my thoughts were always to how my mom is at home. Will she be alive when I come home.  Will my dad kill my mom today.  I have always lived with paranoia and worry.  Worry.  I worry so much to this day.  I have come to the conclusion that I have PTSD.  I always think people are fighting.  At the playgrounds at school, I watch children playing and my mind sees them fighting.  I always worry everywhere I go if people are fighting.  It’s just my life something I don’t think I will ever be able to shake.  Whenever things are bad in my adult life I smile, laugh and my outward appearance shows that life is grand!  My nicknames smiley, giggles, mouse, etc…  You always smile, you’re my favorite customer, you always bring me so much joy when you’re here, all my patients at the hospital even the grumpiest ones I made them happy and comfortable.  I smile because it’s all I know how to do.  My coping mechanism in my life is my smile.  There is so much pain and sadness and worry and anxiety that goes along with that smile that people just don’t see.  I was once told the house could be burning down and she would be like everything’s okay!

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Published by facetioussoup aka MLWA

Blogging... https://momentarylapseofsanity.com/ Almost all the pictures in my blog are borrowed from the internet and are not my own. I hope anyone who paroozes my blog thoroughly enjoys it and I hope in some way that it touches your life. MLWA = My last winter alone. One of my readers gave me that idea and it fits perfectly.

44 thoughts on “Child of domestic violence survivor”

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  12. Pingback: Child of domestic violence survivor | momentarylapseofsanity

  15. The mask we wear to hide our pains because we do not want the world to see us as a victim. I understand what it is like to smile and say I am okay, when I know inside I am not. It is as you write a coping mechanism. I have learned to deal with the wounds abuse has left on me to be healed I have had to take off my mask and acknowledge what I have lived through. Two things have helped me with the healing process. I was diagnosed with PTSD some years ago and at first that was all I had, a diagnosis. Then I got help through my church and through counseling. Through my church I took a course called Life’s Healing Choices by Rick Warren, and through counseling my counselor used CBT therapy. Together I learned how to move on beyond the abuse and let the healing begin.My heart breaks for what only you know how bad you suffered being abused. No one should have to go through such terrible pain. I will keep you in my prayers and hope you find healing and comfort for what you have lived through. Sharing your story will help others in ways you may never know, so thank you for sharing.

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  18. I definitely understand this struggle. Because I too was a child of domestic violence, but have also survived it. It definitely was a difficult point in my life, dealing with all the name calling, belittling, being told that I wasn’t good enough and that nobody really loved me. But I was able to get through it somehow and it has made me a stronger person today. So I definitely understand pretending to smile while your whole world around you is crumbling.

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  20. I’ve found the concept of Complex PTSD helpful, via this guy’s articles and book on the subject: http://pete-walker.com/complex_ptsd_book.html
    The gist of it is that when we have prolonged exposure to trauma, our responses to the trauma become part of our persona, and create more complicated symptoms and interactions of symptoms than those we associate with more typical PTSD.
    Instead of suffering the episodic flashbacks associated with veterans and victims of assault etc., we suffer “emotional flashbacks” that immerse us emotionally in the past traumatic experience without the associated sensory elements.

    I think we’re used to associating PTSD with war, but it can be a very helpful lens through which to view a life shaped by domestic violence, abuse, or neglect.

    A couple more links:
    http://outofthefog.net/CommonNonBehaviors/CPTSD.html
    http://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/PTSD-overview/complex-ptsd.asp

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  27. Having been a domestic abuse survivor, I went through everything you did but on the other side. My son, after his father died 6 years ago, has finally been able to rebuild his confidence and has a more positive attitude toward life. But at 32 he still has some PTSD. Believe me if I had had any idea of how my husband’s yelling, name calling, belittling, controlling and finally physical violence seldom though it may have been, etc. affected my son, I would have done somethings differently. But I had never had to deal with those kinds of behaviors before because my parents rarely argued. I had a great foundation from my family to help me cope but some of that was denial. Unfortunately that denial caused our son to suffer.
    My son helped me realize finally that I was a victim too. He says he doesn’t blame me. But believe me I blame me. I pray that you will be able to find your way to joy and love and peace of mind again.

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  30. Pingback: Child of domestic violence survivor | Helping and Healing

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