Day: April 27, 2015

The town is Provincetown, at the tip of the Cape.
When the Moon is full, it glows like a midnight sun losing all detail.
The glowing point of light at the bottom middle
is Pilgrim’s Monument.

For the writers around me, one of your clan is busy making movies 😊, watch out!

SS@msksmiles

I’m fine. Totally fine. Don’t you see this smile on my face? Never mind the tears. They mean nothing. They’re just an accident. I’m accidentally allowing every little whack you take at me with that proverbial ax of yours hurt me and cut me down. But, I should never do that. Really?! Who does that?! I should be better. I’ll be better.

I’m not angry. Who gets angry? I could never be angry. Only awful people get angry. Clearly I can’t love you if I am angry. That’s impossible. Everything ends when you’re angry. Everything.

I’m not depressed. I’m just tired. I didn’t get enough sleep last night.I’m just sick. Its my allergies. Its what I ate. Its that I didn’t eat. I ate too much. I haven’t had enough caffeine. I’m just off. I don’t have the time. I’m unmotivated. I’m lazy. So lazy. I just need a nap…

To be honest, I have not so many memories about the afterparty. We drunk a lot, we danced a lot, we had a good time. I tried to avoid Jesus, but had a nice chitchat with the drummer called… errr… whatever. He’s a funny guy. We went to a pub, then back to the L.o.v.e. I met Danny, a kind fellow of mine (with a car), and somehow convinced him to take Gabriel home. He (I mean, Gabe) was almost passed out, I’ve never seen him like that. If I had been sober, I would have been worried about him (fatal alcohol intoxication, you know).

Unfortunately, I was stoned too and round 2 o’clock I felt so sick that I went out of the L.o.v.e. to get some fresh air. L.o.v.e. was a stable in the past, it’s far from the downtown. I took a little walk on the pitch…

If there is a lack understanding, responsibility, patience, loyalty, and or self-esteem this is self—destructive and the person’s perceptions will be flawed.

I can’t be normal.  Or can I?

I have a mental picture of what’s normal, and everywhere I look at myself, I fail to match the picture.

Maybe that’s why I’m depressed.  Or maybe I’m depressed because I really should match the picture, try, and fail.

This is what my picture looks like:  normal people can talk to other people without it sapping their energy.  Normal people have jobs and pay bills.  Normal people aren’t depressed and painfully introverted and awkward.  Normal church people teach me that God answers prayers.  Normal people get normal jobs and earn an average (and by this I mean a mean, which should be about $50,781, not poverty level) annual salary.  With my above average charm, intelligence, good looks and education, it should be easy.  R-I-G-H-T!

My picture of a normal healthy relationship doesn’t fit me.  My wife and I seem much more combative than…