The World’s Worst Neighbor

That’s me. I’m terrible at neighborhood stuff. I’m aware of this. I don’t like it, and I’m trying to change it.

Because I’m socially awkward, the last thing I ever want to do is strike up a conversation with the guy walking in the apartment next door. I’ve got nothing to say. I’ve even practiced coming up with something. It’s really, really hard.

My wife is super-nice by nature. People gravitate to her. I scare people off because I look too intense all the time. I’m a brooder, which sounds cooler than it is. People think I’m deep in thought.

What they suspect I’m thinking about: What kind of practical validity is there to Kant’s categorical imperative? 

What I’m actually thinking about: What…