Day: November 18, 2014

I feel like no one understands me, they try, but they just don’t know what is happening. I mean, I don’t even know what is happening. I feel like I am slowly fading away, I’ll be gone in no time. Just a memory if I’m lucky.

I’m a bad friend, selfish and uninterested. I just don’t care anymore. I get mad and annoyed easily lately. I have this friend and we got along quite well and then I introduced her to my crush of two years.

Ever since, she’s been hanging out with him and texting/calling him. She says, she doesn’t do it very often, but then I wonder, how does he know so much about her? One day, I found out through Facebook that she went to Amsterdam with him to meet his cousins from Indonesia. Amsterdam is a 2 hour drive from here and she never told anyone…

Bipolar disorder is a disorder with one of the most inaccurate perceptions by the general community.  Many people think that being bipolar means that a person is “moody.” I mean, you’re not wrong, but you are also not right. Bipolar disorder is a very debilitating disorder especially for those young adults trying to get through college.

Bipolar disorder has two different phases. These phases include manic episodes followed by a depressive episode. Now these episodes are not just quick little 20 minute episodes that are done and over with, they go over the course of a long period of time, even months. A manic episode is identified as a period of time where the person is in “fast forward” mode. A person in in a manic episode can look like someone who just drank 5 red bulls in a row, except they do not crash. They do not need…

Hello everyone!  I’m new to this blogging thing so please bear with me.  If you’re anything like me, you may go about your normal day in the real world with a perception filter on.  We may often find ourselves looking to pinpoint all the negative things that are occurring around us.  Why wouldn’t we? They’re often easier to pick out and sometimes it feels like negative interaction between individuals is the norm.   For example, the news will mostly have stories regarding murders and robberies because they draw the biggest reaction.  Rarely do we ever see stories that incorporate acts of kindness like the founding of a new charity.  Over time, with enough exposure it is not uncommon for individuals to develop a cynical mindset.  I personally find it very easy to be judgmental of those around me.  I will often find myself making mental accusations at a specific individual when…

I see many things from way up here,
I see the many ways in which I’ll crash back down,
It could be a bad day at work,
Or it could be someone cuts me up on the road.
Point being, it doesn’t matter how big or small, a crash is still a crash.
I have a high and I struggle to run with it, as I know if I allow myself to enjoy something it will hurt more when I tumble straight back down that dark horrid hole of depression.
My anxiety has hit tops lately too, if I am out I’m convinced something bad will happen, that people are plotting against me.

“It’s not real” I tell myself, over and over again. Somehow I think the more I tell myself that the more I might actually believe it, truth is who the hell am I trying to kid?

They all say that storms will pass
They wont last forever
This pain wont last, they say.
It will pass over soon, just keep your head up.
It’s all a fucking joke, really.
Because storms always reaper,
And rain will always fall
Lightning will always strike
Thunder will always scar the ears of those it falls upon
Floods will cover the earth again one day,
No matter how many fucking rainbows we get to see.

The same is true for me.

“Just think, you’ve been through so much, you’re so much older in mind and spirit than anyone else your age”
“Just think, you may have gone through your greatest trial in life already”

I used to say “but think of all the other things I have waiting down the road for me, bad things”
But that was never the good and happy christian response,
So i’d just smile and…